So, I pondered about what my first goal should be and this is what I came up with.
I have always been an athlete and building physical muscles is a habit I already have. I love to stay in shape, exercise makes me happy even if its 30 minutes a day. But the muscle I find the most challenging to build is my mental muscle and learning to control my thoughts by choosing only the good ones - the ones that serve me, and learning to discard the ones that don't. I tend to have this seed of doubt that loves to sneak into my mind and infect my brain with toxic thoughts of not being good enough. These thoughts cultivate behaviours where I feel I have to always be perfect or that I have to be the person other people think I should be. I have a habit of being a people pleaser! When I'm feeling doubtful, I will speak or act from other people's truths rather than trusting my own.
I have learned the hard way, that when I don’t speak my truth I risk losing myself. In the past, when I have not been strong enough to put my doubt aside and speak from my heart, I wind up saying what others want to hear and being who I believe they want me to be. After some time of pleasing others through my words and actions, I become someone I'm not. And when I disappear I am invisible in my relationships, showing up as a puppet whose actions don’t always match my words.
Through the help of some very dear friends, I have recently re-discovered myself after a long period of playing the puppet. I am now living in the ecstasy of Me and everything has changed. I’m living in a child-like world where possibility oozes from my thoughts as I dance through the everyday as if it were a new adventure. So I ask myself, now that I’m back how do I hang on to Me?
Well Matt I believe in order for my confidence to grow allowing me to take on more, achieve more and build better relationships, I have to remove one thing from my life. Self doubt. I want to build my mental muscle to control my thoughts by practicing meditation. So my goal will be to meditate 15 minutes everyday for the next 30 days in order to build my mental strength. Through out the day I will continue to meditate by becoming more aware of my negative thoughts and notice when the seed of doubt is planted and catch it before it grows and overtakes the garden of Me.
I know there will be days when I fall off, when someone judges me or shows signs of not accepting me as I am. This is when I will practice noticing these thoughts and then, let them go. The trick will be to use my newfound mental strength to come back, not letting self-doubt consume me. Returning to the present moment, I will not give the thoughts that don’t serve me any energy to cultivate into self-defeating actions.
Follow my blog as I try something new for the next 30 days. Will I build enough mental strength to conjure up the wind and blow away my seed of doubt? Can I create a new habit in just 30 days?
Tally ho,
Zenjen
